Tell me what you really, really want…

I’m not so sure anymore.

When I first decided to send emails regularly, I made a promise. I’d only send something that I felt sure would give you value. You know, help things be a a bit easier, or a piece of information that would change the way you do or see things.

Before I write these emails (which I do roughly once a week) I take a walk and I ask myself “how can I help and what can I give?”. My emails don’t come from someone on Fiverr (no disrespect) or from a VA.

They come from me. From raw experience, research, practice – and caring.

This week I looked at my ‘open’ rates – this tells me how many (not who!) as a percentage, are opening emails. I know. There are too many and we all get ‘numb’ to them, eventually (though there are some people I really do look out for).

So I decided to be brave, not pretend this is going the way I want it to (i.e. tons of happy bods, eagerly lapping up my words of wisdom! Ahem!) and ask  you outright. One. Simple. Question.

Right now, what would help you the MOST?

Answer me with a word, a ton of words, an image, a feeling… a rant. I don’t mind. I just want to know that you are getting something from me that makes a difference.

Just add your comment under this paragraph and I’ll be able to do a better job!

 

With love

 

Debs

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Symptoms of perimenopause. Symptoms or signals?

menopause symptoms, perimenopause symptoms,

What really are the symptoms of perimenopause? Well, that’s what a lot of people (mostly, but not exclusively women, want to know).

I’ve written about symptoms, It’s a long list of  the same set of physical inconveniences, horrors and menaces as most menopause helpers/teachers/healers would write.  Also I have  added a few important ones, that I think are missing from many lists – emotional symptoms.

Then today, I just asked myself – why exactly do we use the word “symptom”? Is this the correct term? Is it helpful to talk about peri menopause symptoms at all?  And, OK, I caved. I asked the Big G.  I googled. It says: –

ˈsɪm(p)təm/
noun
  1. a physical or mental feature which is regarded as indicating a condition of disease, particularly such a feature that is apparent to the patient.
    “dental problems may be a symptom of other illness”
    synonyms: manifestationindicationindicatorsignmarkfeaturetrait;

    prodrome
    “he described the symptoms of the disease”
    • an indication of the existence of something, especially of an undesirable situation.
      “the government was plagued by leaks—a symptom of divisions and poor morale”
      synonyms: expressionsignindicationmarktokenmanifestationMore

       

    So, we have here: “… indicating a condition of disease,…” and “an undesirable situation”.

    Now, call me picky and call me mean, but I do not believe perimenopause is a disease or illness, and neither do I believe it is an undesirable situation. To overlay a natural (if highly inconvenient and sometimes, debilitating) passage in a life, with medical terminology, is to stuff perimenopause tightly into a box filled with ailments, diseases and illnesses that, medical science hopes, can be cured. And in that box, by default, women become ‘patients’ and expect a cure.

    You don’t need a cure for perimenopause. You need support. You need systems, understanding, knowledge and applied wisdom. Because for a % of women (mostly in the Western ‘world’) all of these new  pieces of information form a bridge: they become a foundational part of your continued growth and potential expansion into someone even more amazing, true and representative of your unique self.

    Let me add another layer to this:

For “you need systems” read “you need to learn how to run your daily life so  you are not exhausted, dragged down or just plain bored.

You need help, joy, rest, nourishment, sensuality, inspiration –  and more rest.  These ‘resourcers’  should be part of your every day (given the inevitable days when you REALLY can’t…)  – and you have to systematically choose what will support you.

You need a system of daily energy management that does more than feed and exercise your body and mind. In fact, you need the  shamanic/Yogic understanding of yourself as a much broader ‘being’ with subtler layers of energy,  so that you can effectively housekeep these ‘invisible’ layers. This is one of the big ‘secrets’ of life, let alone perimenopause.

 

You feel cynicism or doubt about this? Ever spent an hour with an ‘energy vampire’? Or watched a movie or piece of news that made you feel awful? Or thought thoughts that kept you awake half of the night? You – I – we – are constantly responding to our environment. And our environment is huge, messy, deep and also more under our control than we imagine.

The truth is, this ‘stuff’ is better felt and experienced than written about.  For one thing, for it to be effective it must be embodied – become a part of you. I am devoted – and I do mean devoted – to showing women how this can be done. I know that  you can learn a lot in a long weekend. Certainly enough to do your own ‘energy housework’. The benefit of this work is that you get to keep more precious fizz for yourself and that energy can go into – well – almost anything you choose – but initially, into getting your physically balanced and operational again is a great place to start.

And here is what I consider to be the BEST way to get this stuff covered and reclaim your self.  Join me for a special one-of-a-kind event and learn the true wisdom of menopause, discover the tools to lift yourself out of the tough spots and the hidden technology that is actually running the whole show. Maybe your symptoms of perimenopause are a little voice yelling loudly that there is more to this!  Trust me, this stuff WORKS!

 

perimenopause symptoms, menopause symptoms, menopause help,

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Menopause, insomnia and – really, who wants to be sleepless in Seattle?

Menopause insomnia is a well documented and debilitating menace.  Whilst waking up every couple of hours if you have a  baby to feed for instance, or a new puppy to cuddle, has a clear purpose to it, waking up randomly; sticky, sweating and tense, seems to have no ‘point’ to it at all. (On a positive note, it is worth recalling previous episodes of enforced insomnia that might give you heart). You. Will. Get. Through.This.)

 

Well, maybe it does have a point. Just free your thinking up enough to include this idea. Maybe the point is that this passage, this transition, is all about you. Yep. Just you. Not your elders, your offspring or your beloved pets. Just you. And although insomnia, or any wakefulness of this kind is something that needs to diminish and even disappear, I do believe that your body and psyche are super busy and at their most – communicative – during these times.

insomnia, menopause, anxiety, money worries,

Not only do I believe this, I also know it is also the movement of ‘kundalini‘ energy, disturbing your sleep. It is also the unfinished business, unexpressed emotions and general ‘first half of life’ debris that is causing restlessness. There are other physiological reasons that must not be ignored. I am not one of those spiritual teachers who turn their nose up at what the body needs. If your body is already out of whack, then deal with that – and also deal with any ‘inner’ business.

 

In addition to my video on how to improve the quality of your sleep,(watch it below) I suggest you keep a journal/piece of paper (preferably, NOT your mobile phone) by your bed. And a pen, of course! Just before sleep jot down any and all the things that are on your mind. Don’t stress over grammar, editing or politeness – get it all out. And if you feel that the words may offend someone, just make sure they don’t see them.

During the night, or in the morning, write down  your dreams, let all that is buzzing around your head out into the world, because, like Pandora’s Box, once the buzzing is out, there is a spark of Hope.

 

You may or may not see or gradually become aware of, patterns in your thoughts, or unfinished business that you would do well to attend to. But don’t get into a menopausal tizz about doing this as a ‘piece of work’. If you have done the spade work, writing stuff down, making your thoughts physical and anything else that comes, is a bonus.

 

 

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Weight gain in menopause. Fact, fiction or just something to expect?

Weight gain in menopause.

In addition to some of the other perils of perimenopause, many women will find that weight seems to be slipping on – and not sliding off. Weight gain in menopause has a become yet another ‘thing’ to dread, (along with facial hair, for one thing, which does NOT amuse me)  and to grudgingly accept as part of the aging process.

Is this  necessarily so?  Should we fight the midlife flab or lay down on the collective sofa of later womanhood, looking back with wistful eyes to the days when we were ‘slim’ (if we were) and give in gracefully?

I’ll share a bit about my weight issues here. In reality, I never had any. I was brought up in a very simple way, we didn’t have scales in the house, or snacks for that matter. I ran around outside most of the time, either chasing ponies (and later, boys) because we didn’t have TV.  So maybe I am not the ideal avatar. But I did notice how my body changed shape during perimenopause and now, although I am only a few pounds above my favourite fighting weight, I  just look more ’rounded’. And I am a dress size higher than back in the day.

Look, I know that fat stores are important, post menopause, to keep some type of estrogen production happening (ditto healthy adrenal glands and gut).

But there is no ‘jelly roll’ on my midriff and I wonder if this is because I got such great advice on adrenal health when I needed it. Right slap back in the early days of full on perimenopause, I met an ethnobotanist, who is also a shaman.  Just what you need! So rather than write reams on the causes of most mid-life weight gain, I’m  just going to sit back, nibble on a walnut, and listen to the Doc. He also provides a  nifty quiz, so why not complete it? You may get some help that helps!

 

 

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Irregular periods and heavy menstrual bleeding.

It’s likely that  you’ll  experience irregular periods and heavier than usual bleeding during perimenopause.  I know I did, a couple of times, and it scared the heck out of  me! Even though I was all growed up, seeing the amount of blood that had just left my body, left me shaking. Eek. Had it stopped? Will it everystop? How much blood have I got to lose before I pass out? Terror in the toilet. Losing it in the silence of the loo with no one to turn to. Yep, a bit of  paranoia set in for sure

 

First stop for me was a trusted healer friend. She smiled calmly and said ‘you’re just having a good old clean out”. I wasn’t entirely convinced but I did calm down. I still went for investigation.

In my case, she was correct. But I had reason for fear. My mother developed heavy menstrual bleeding at the age of 46 and it was a warning sign. I don’t want to alar.m anyone, but just be aware that for some women, it’s something that will have an underlying cause. For most of us, it probably is just the womb having a clear out.

 

menopause signs, heavy menstrual bleeding, irregular periods,

 

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Night sweats, hot flashes. Is there a storm brewing?

How menopause  affects 27 million women every day?

 

Yes, you read that right. 27 million women – in the USA. It’s about 13 million in the UK. And I haven’t looked at the stats for mainland Europe. So, a whole lot of women. And it’s not a one-off  flavor-of-the-month topic. As  far as I can tell, women are not only going to carry on having menopause, but as the life time of a worker extends into their  60s and 70s (in the UK for instance, there is no enforceable retirement age) employers must face the fact that for at least 20% of their female population, menopause is going to cause symptoms that may affect performance. And it’s not just ‘performance’ – it’s engagement, progression,  self belief, colleagues, families and futures that can be negatively impacted too.

 

Is there a storm brewing?  Maybe not. But there are enough women in the same boat to create a massive wave for change. In many ways, the age-old silence has now been broken. Women in media, show business, big businesses and small, are at last, speaking up and speaking out. Just one example is the English radio celeb, Zoe Ball.http://www.womanandhome.com/life/news-entertainment/zoe-ball-opens-up-about-the-menopause-206435/

I believe the onus is on women who want to, to ask for support. It’s not an easy conversation, I’ll admit. But using the voice is an intrinsic aspect of this passage, in terms both cultural and holistic. We can’t pretend we don’t have the cycles that are intrinsic to women’s bodies and maintain balance within ourselves, and within wider contexts.

We have to shape this change. Employers may understand. Some may be helpful and empathetic but without upward pressure, it’s just one more thing on a very long HR ‘to do’ list – and without a clear and immediate bottom line impact to drive it.

Women understand best what is happening to them and what kind of support they need. We can leave a legacy by cutting a new path in the urban work jungle, so that those coming after us. don’t have to suffer in embarrassed silence or  minimise themselves, concerned that brain fog will rob them of a fact, figure or contribution at a pivotal moment.

 

Employers who make room for one menopausal woman to manage  her symptoms and her career, are, indeed worthy, but leaving a policy and cultural shift  for dozens and even hundreds of women, is even more so. And it’s our voices that should be singing the new tune!

 

Menopause discrimination?

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/menopause-discrimination-real-thing-bosses-need-get-involved/