Menopause seems to be shackled, at least conceptually, to a long list of (very real) woes and laments. I get that. I had those experiences too. Sexuality seems to be the least highlighted but often, one of the most missed parts of a woman’s life experiences during this time.
But I do believe there is a vision – a powerful one – and better, healthier framework for menopause, that is rarely shared. It’s not a surprise that it’s almost a secret. Where, in any of my – or your – school biology lessons, did womens’ bodies get a mention beyond ‘reproduction’. Menopause wasn’t important. It wasn’t even visible! Do you think I’d be I be getting too ‘over the top’ if I assert that this was, at least in part, because the female gender wasn’t very important anyway and once female ‘productive’ years had finished, who would waste time writing about menopause?
Sexuality is always a defining aspect of humanity. And for most women, it has taken a very long time (and it’s a work in progress) to claim it for our gender as a multi-dimensional aspect of our lives (I mean, we ‘have sex’ for reasons other than procreation or being ‘good partners’). Sexuality, in this context has purpose, pay-off – an end result. Making babies: feeling bliss and pleasure (sometimes!): being intimate: making money: staying safe: being dutiful: trying to ‘grow up’: pleasing someone else: having to bow to someone else’s needs – perhaps even being forced to. Being a victim in war, peace or in the supposed safety of your own home because of someone else’s uncontrolled needs. All, some or none of these affect most women.
Menopause brings with it the opportunity to withdraw from active sexuality for a while. It offers, through what I call it’s ‘hidden technology’, a precious time to go inward. It’s a time to protect and save your energy for inner work (physical and emotional) so that when the primal force returns (your Kundalini flows powerfully again, in Yogic terms) you are more connected – not less.
But this new cycle of life is more about sensuality than sexuality. It is about how you feel, with or without sexual activity, a partner, or sexual stimulation that is external. Your newly enhanced system is coded for sensuality. Sensuality for some, is bliss experienced simply from standing in a field and having the sound of a bird’s song pierce your skin and heart so that you smile and cry. It’s the feeling of formerly forbidden pleasure waves that convulse you as you stroke the velvet patch on a horse’s muzzle, the satin of a cat’s fur or run your hands over the cool smoothness of marble. The sun on your back can generate peaks of pleasure and dreams, dancing and dining can take you to some very ecstatic places.
This is one of the great and unsung rewards of riding the peri menopause waves with knowledge. Your central nervous system can become more powerful and more sensitive, so that your feelings, sensations and experiences are translated in ever-more exquisite ways. With the ‘right’ partner, sexual encounters deepen and transform your body into a palace of pure pleasure. But guess what? You don’t need a partner, you just need to keep deepening your own practices of connection. You are your partner: you are, ultimately, your beloved.
My top practices are still Hatha Yoga with some Tantric practice: mindful eating, meditation, walking and self-care (and I don’t mean I do this 100% but I do keep my awareness around the topics).I run the high frequency energies of Transference Healing ™ every day and that one has probably been my life saver.
I choose words and use them with care: I intend to feel all my feelings deeply and working ‘with’ them and not against them. I love being in nature in all her moods. And I practice gratitude.
Practice it until it’s as natural as breathing. Gratitude for everything will open your heart (and it contains it’s own special cells, ‘sensory neurites’ which are like brain cells) and help your energy systems to calibrate to the powerful, indescribable pulses of joy which literally ripple through the grid of our planet all the time.
My vision is that menopause gets the balanced framework and press it deserves. Women have felt (and allowed themselves to feel) undervalued, cheated and overlooked for too long. Nature has a treat in store for us, at least, that is my belief, but working with the natural forces, opening heart and mind and getting information, support and knowledge are, as in everything else, key.
Don’t short change yourself or your families, colleagues or society. Learn the rites of this passage and reap the amazing rewards! I offer retreats, mentoring that includes energy work and of course, there is my book, ‘ Menopause Magic “which I had entirely forgotten about until I started this article! Now I can’t blame that on peri menopause. I’m 61!
https://debsdevries.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/handholdingflower.jpg640960Debs de Vrieshttps://debsdevries.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/logo-sig-300x92.pngDebs de Vries2018-01-29 11:52:292018-01-29 11:56:01Menopause, sexuality and sensuality.